I dont want to want you

Dear T:

You asked me and I honestly answered,

I do I do I miss you everyday

You turn your face so I can't see,

You, do you do, you miss me the same way

How is that possible? Do not ask me

All I have is a certainty that I do feel what I feel

How is it possible for you to ignore it?

All you have is the uncertainty of feeling what you feel

I won't ever ask you to change your plans for me

You would never ask me to plan my life around you

We both keep complaining about how we have no chance

Because we are not in the same place

We both keep drifting away in our plans

And fucking closer in our hearts,

I wish it was the other way around

I know if I do not break us now

Chances are it would hurt my heart

Thousand times harder than what it hurts now

Yesterday I cried because I can't ask

Cause I can't dream a life with you.

Yesterday you got drunk because you can’t promise

Cause you can't let me dream a life with you

 You asked me a thousand times thousand more

What did I want from you I said I didn't know

I lie, I know what I want

I lie to myself as well

Because I thought I will never want that

I want stupid forever with you even if I have to miss you

Half of forever. Even if I have to cry every other night.

You are all I want.